When it comes to her, you failed.

You said you are her husband,

You said you are becoming as one when together,

You said she is your half part,

You said you will found happiness together,

You said you love her,

Why would you go after another women once she settle with you and have kids?

Did you change your mind?

What about her?

Did you even thought about her?

What will she feel?

Will she be sad?

Will she be hurt?

Will she be destroyed?

You probably you didn’t thought about that of course!

You are a YOU,

Because you believe it is right,

You believe it is normal

You believe you have the right

You believe should be proud of being with you

You believe she doesn’t have to said a word

You believe she deserve it

You believe she is the smaller one

You believe she is the weak one

You believe she doesn’t have a choice,

You believe she shouldn’t have those sadness feelings

You are surprised that she dare criticize what you are doing

You think she should just shut her mouth

You think how dares she

You then think you should beat her mouth

She started to not to care about that anymore

She prefer to focus on finding a way to earn money and take care of kids.

So she found a job,

She works hard

She works late,

She is tired when she get home

But she cooks for you,

She shower kids,

She sleep with you

But that doesn’t satisfy you,

You become Jealous,

You went mad

Then you decided that she is not going to work anymore,

She refused and then you beat her

She keeps working

So you beat her again

She doesn’t quit

You keeps beating her

And then you decided to have another woman

You didn’t care about her opinion,

She wasn’t ok with it,

So she said it,

You didn’t care,

So she went to see her family,

Her family remind her how lucky she is to be with you,

Her family accused her for refusing to quit her job as her husband said,

She wanted to leave her husband,

Her family insult and condemn her decision

So she stays

She was sad,

She got sick she forgot the happiness of being human,

The sadness kills her

She died inside

She then decided go through life

But not living,

She observes without acting,

She give up of living

She gives up

She ….just gives up.

But look,

She deserves to be well treated

She deserves to be happy,

She deserves your respect,

She deserves to live the life she wants,

She deserves to have a job,

She deserves to leave you,

She deserves that the society respect her decision,

She deserves that her family protect her

She deserves to be woman and proud of it,

Because there is a little girl in some corner watching,

Because there a little boy in some corner watching,

So becarefull not to mess up with the future generations.

Chères mamans!!!

Chère mamans joyeuse fête de la femme !!!

La première chose que j’ai envie de vous dire est que vous êtes de grandes dames, vous êtes courageuses, vous êtes fortes, vous êtes intelligentes, vous êtes inspirantes, vous avez des droits, et vous valez plus que vous pouvez l’imaginer. Vous êtes mes modèles. En 29 ans de ma vie sur terre, je n’ai puisé ma force et ma détermination que de vous, les femmes de chez moi.

Ce n’est pas grave si vos efforts ne sont pas exposés à l’échelle nationale ou internationale. Vous restez des leaders. Pour moi le leadership, ce n’est pas quand on fait des miracles avec de grandes réalisations mais c’est plutôt lorsqu’on fait des petites choses des miracles. Surmonter quotidiennement les défis de votre foyer, de votre communauté, de votre groupement, de votre famille, c’est ça le leadership.

Un jour un volontaire de corps de la paix m’a dit, « les femmes togolaises sont les plus fortes et sexy que je n’ai jamais rencontré » j’ai souris tout bonnement en lui répondant, « c’est notre choix ». C’était comme une sorte de blague mais après lorsque je repensais à ça j’ai compris beaucoup de choses. En effet j’ai noté que cette remarque ressortait tout de nous, les femmes togolaises, en deux mots « FORTES » et « SEXY ».

Nous sommes celles qui éduquent les enfants, nous sommes celles qui prennent soin de leurs familles, nous sommes celles qui gèrent bien les fonds, nous sommes celles qui tiennent le commerce, nous sommes celles qui maintiennent la stabilité de la société, n’est-ce pas assez d’éléments pour se rendre compte que nous représentons une partie indispensable et active de la communauté ? Et que sans cet équilibre tout sera faussé?

Le vrai souci actuel, c’est que notre combat d’émancipation est mal compris par les uns et les autres. Ils pensent que notre objectif est de nous retrouver à un niveau supérieur aux hommes, mais ce n’est pas le cas, nous voulons juste avoir les mêmes chances qu’eux n’est-ce pas ?

Je sais, il existe des traditions chez nous au Togo et selon la plupart d’entre elles, la femme doit être soumise à l’homme. Je respecte et j’admire nos coutumes parce que c’est ce qui constitue notre identité unique parmi toutes les autres populations du monde, mais si ces traditions et coutumes tiennent en otage les droits d’une partie de la population, si elles ne nous permettent de nous rassembler et d’œuvrer au développement de notre pays, alors nous ne devrions pas l’accepter. Il s’agit de notre épanouissement à nous et personne ne viendra se battre à notre place soyons en sure. Et lorsque je parle de se « battre », je fais allusion à un certain nombre de points comme :

• Accepter que nous sommes des êtres humains tout comme les hommes,
• Que tous ce qui nous différencie est notre constitution biologique et le genre n’est qu’un détail inutile,
• Améliorer l’éducation de base de nos enfants en pratiquant l’égalité des chances à la maison, tant qu’ils sont éduqués de la sorte aujourd’hui, ils grandiront avec et éduqueront à leur tour leurs enfants de la même façon. Ainsi de génération en génération tout évoluera et changera.
• Affronter avec courage tous les obstacles qui à coup sûr seront plusieurs et pas faciles.

Pour finir, je dirai que vous n’y aboutirez pas seules. Associez les hommes, vos maris, vos amis, vos fils qui ont déjà des familles, les responsables de vos communautés qui sont pour la plupart des hommes.

J’ajoute que veillez à ce que tout se passe à travers ces deux stratégies qui sont la négociation, et la collaboration. Parler, mais surtout prenez le temps d’écouter les autres, sensibilisez les tout en respectant leurs opinions parce que sinon vous leur enlèverez leur droit de s’exprimer, un droit primordial pour tout être humain.

                                  Bonne fête à toutes 🙂

Pledge for parity, is more than a click on the computer.

Happy International Women’s Day!                                    

 This day is not for women only. Men, women, young girls, young boys, we all are involved. We all are supposed to reflect on women today.

That is why I searched on the internet to see the theme of this year’s Women’s Day. You can find out this year’s International Women’s Day theme and explanation here: http://www.internationalwomensday.com/Theme. It’s basically inviting you to pledge for Parity « Parity means equality, uniformity, or levelness ». Which I did without hesitation and which you will probably do too. No matter who you are, a men or a woman. It is easy to click on a computer and it will appear on Facebook, on twitter, on Instagram that you pledge for equity. It is like when we click on “like” for a friend’s picture posted or a friend status posted just to please him or her. Seriously will you think about what you pledge for after you turn off your computer? I doubt it.

When you click on the pledge for parity, you don’t just “like” something, you take an engagement.              

Your click means you accept to get involved in the fight for women’s rights, for equity in society. So try to find out what you want to do on this day to contribute to that cause that you pledge for.

For my part, I decided to ask around and find out what people think about being a women. Because maybe most of people who are against equity don’t even know what it feels like to be a woman in a situation where you see yourself being underestimated every day of your life. So I asked some young boys and girls, what that means to you when you say some one is a woman. Here are some responses:

• “It means a wife”
• “It means a person with vagina”
• “It means a weaker sex”
• “It means a calm person”
• “It means a sweet person”
• “It means a mom”
• “It means a good cook”
• “It means a good house keeper”
• “It means a good educator”
• “It means a person who was created from the rib of a man”

So I got responses like these. I can’t put all of them here. I just choose some that touch me. I won’t say negatively or positively. Because my objective was to find out what young people think of a woman and decided how I can proceed to talk to them about “a woman” whom I think is simply a “human being”. My conception of woman may look weird for some of you but here is what I think: “a woman is a human being without any labels. Without any social details as sex, religion, culture, tradition…. It is just a human being.” And my conception of that is beyond being a woman. It is being a living creature.  Try to consider people around you as so. And maybe you won’t waste your time deciding if someone needs to be under someone else’s domination or not.  If someone needs to see all his life defined by stupid rules or not. So that is what I think.

Anyway, I also talked to my dearest friend, who is also my English articles editor, Emily BENSEN to see what she thinks of being a woman and what she responded touched me and I decided to write it back exactly the way she sent it to me: 

“To me, the two main things that define me as a woman, or define a woman in general are contradictory: strength, and suffering. We are strong emotionally and physically—the most obvious example is that we have the power to create another life! But womanhood is also defined by suffering. We are considered less and we have to be better. We are assaulted and harassed. We are given less chances and expected to do more. Being a woman is both a burden and a power.”

Every word, every sound it makes when I pronounce it is so right and just. Maybe I am going to sing it the day I will have an opportunity to read it to an audience. 

I also talked to my colleague Jonas NOUHOUM who advanced a very deep concept that I would like to share:

 “The concept of a “woman” is a celebration of each uniqueness rather than the belief in this myth of opposite of boys. If we call women as “goddesses,” then there is no need for anyone to treat them like human beings. Praising women according to their social impact, yes, rather than supernatural beings.” This means people discriminate women by pretending to consider them as a superhuman. So the only way to consider a woman is according to her social impact.  I bet it will be hard to understand but it will surely bring an arguing moment in your mind when you read it as it happened to me. Enjoy it.

I pledge for parity, I define how to make it work, I let people find out what it means to be a woman and to understand that a “woman” is just a “human being” and deserves the same respect, the same rights and the same consideration as any other living creature in the world.

We are women, we are intelligent, strong, self-confident, fighters, independent, we are brave, oh yes we are… us and we are proud!

PS:    The International Women’s Day is not just the March 8^th, it is every single day.

When our own words can crush the society!

When our own words can crush the society!

Seriously we should make sure that what we do, what we say and every time we act inevitably impacts someone somehow.

Something recently touched me very badly. Even if it was happening for centuries, the concept of using women simply for pleasure offends me. Since we are changing everything in this world—science technology—shouldn’t we also think of changing the way we talk, the way we sing, the way we play and have fun? It is after all, how we define our education, beliefs and behavior.

If you live in Africa (and probably all over the world since internet exists) and you like dancing, you have probably heard about this song “Coller la Petite” from the Cameroun singer Franko which sadly means “stick a girl to yourself”. This is a title of a song that every young girl, boy and adult listen walking on any road and going in any place to have a drink or in any night club to dance. It is a famous song that basically says the only way a man can have fun is to find a girl and use her as he wants because he only has one life. The first thing I thought when I listened to it was, “ewww”. Surely, no one would listen if the words were, “Respect la femme et ne crois pas qu’elle soit un jouet” (“respect women and never think she is a toy”) no one will dance to it. Well, I would :). And my second concern was those kids who love to listen it. Will they be thoughtful enough to not believe and love those words?  I don’t think so :(.

I know this singer is not the only one, but I got scared because it became so famous and everyone is singing it all day long, you would think they can’t understand words but they do. And that is why I choose to mention it.

The famous Nigerian author Chimamanda N’GOZI ADICHIE said in her TED Talk “We all should be feminist”, “When we do the same thing every time, it becomes normal.” So how can we pretend to educate our kids in respecting other humans while letting them listen to something with a different message? Aren’t we scared that it will become the “normal” for them to joke saying women are toys?

 The words you speak can educate, but they can also deprave.

Every word you say even if you don’t mean it is understood and considered by people around you. You could lie about what your life is and they will believe you. It is as simple as that.So be careful. A word you say defines what kind of person you are and what kind of behavior you live.

If I still focus on singers, we all listen to songs using words we decently refuse to say or hear but somehow we find ourselves dancing to it driving in a car or on the dance floor after couple of beers. Oh I do it myself, because of the rhythm. But I make sure I still understand how those words devalue women, how they deprave people and I still am conscious that I don’t believe in those words. If I had to debate about a song like that the day after I danced to it, I would stand in the “Against Team”. Sorry for that. I should be stronger to resist the pleasure of dancing to those songs whose words I do not appreciate.

But we also prefer on calm days to listen to those songs that we know all the lyrics and that describe an experience we had. Because we lost someone we loved, because someone broke our heart, because we are having a magical moment. That is when we usually cry because the words touch us so deeply. That emotion shows how we appreciate and believe in those words.

I don’t cry when I listen to song saying “p***y”, “coller la petite”, “bitches”, “big ass”, “big boobs”, “f**k that bitch”. Do you?Eventually I can listen to Taylor Swift love songs blaming some “f***ing dick” and smile because I think she is right.

It is all mixed up and I get it. So I don’t blame the singer only. No it is a general fault. We all are concerned: the singer, the DJ, the dancer.

I don’t make rules so I don’t know what is the best thing for us to do. The ideal will be to stop buying and downloading this music. The ideal is that YouTube, etc. stop posting this kind of music for customers and curious people like me. But what a huge deal! I won’t even know where to go first or who to talk to make that happen. All I know is we should not lose the conscience that the message of the song you are listing to could impact your daily life and that you need to still be aware of it is benefits or disadvantages for you.

 So I was thinking, what should we do to fight stuff like this? Should we turn off our radios when it plays? Or should we simply let it play and then discuss about it with our kids at home and friends at the bar?

The second solution seems to be the worthy one for me. Because this is how people can see the difference between what is good and what is bad. You show them the reality and you discuss it by letting them find out the bad in it.

Well let’s not let our words, our thoughts, our messages, our behaviors, our songs and our media posts be what will cause our end. Let’s let it be what inspires people, what educates them, what shows them how to make the earth a safe and respectful place.

Bonus:

Some of my favorite singers (In this case) who you can listen too « Lauryn Hill, Bob Marley, Tiken Jah Facoly, Soprano…» those always cross a rather useful message which will make you question everything and set good resolution. Well I am just saying :).

Quand nos propres mots peuvent écraser la société!

Sérieusement nous devrions nous assurer que ce que nous faisons, ce que nous disons chaque fois que nous agissons aura inévitablement un impact sur quelqu’un d’une façon ou d’une autre.                                                                                                              

Il y’a quelque chose qui m’a touché très négativement récemment. Même si cela se passe depuis des siècles, ce concept d’utiliser des femmes pour le plaisir ne me plait pas du tout. Puisque nous changeons tout dans ce monde, science, la technologie, pourquoi ne pas changer cette mentalité ?pourquoi ne pas changer la façon dont nous parlons, la façon dont nous chantons, surtout les mots que nous utilisons, et la façon dont nous nous amusons ? C’est après tout, comment nous définissons notre éducation, nos croyances et notre comportement.

Si vous vivez en Afrique (et probablement dans le monde entier puisqu’Internet existe) et si vous aimez danser, vous avez probablement entendu parler de cette chanson “Coller la petite” du Chanteur Camerounais Franko. Ceci est un titre d’une chanson que chaque jeune fille et garçon et des adultes écoutent marchant sur n’importe quelle route et entrant  dans n’importe quel endroit pour prendre un verre ou dans n’importe quelle boîte de nuit pour danser. C’est une chanson célèbre qui dit essentiellement comment la seule façon pour un homme de s’amuser doit trouver une fille et l’utiliser à sa guise parce qu’il a seulement une vie. La première chose à laquelle j’ai pensé quand je l’ai écouté était, “dégueu”. Sûrement, personne n’écoutera si les mots étaient différents comme « Respecte la femme et ne crois jamais qu’elle soit un jouet » personne ne voudra danser dessus ? Bien j’avoue que moi si, pas toi ?Et ma deuxième préoccupation était ces enfants qui aiment écouter cela. Seront-ils assez conscients pour ne pas croire et aimer ces mots ? Je ne le pense pas.

Je sais que ce chanteur n’est pas le seul, mais j’ai paniqué parce que c’est devenu si célèbre et tout le monde le chante des jours entiers, vous penseriez qu’ils ne peuvent pas comprendre la signification des mots, et pourtant ils le peuvent. Et c’est la raison pour laquelle je veux le mentionner.

La célèbre écrivain nigériane Chimamanda N’GOZI ADICHIE a dit dans sa conférence TED Talk’s “Nous sommes tous féministes”, “Quand nous faisons une même chose chaque fois, cela devient normal.” Ainsi comment pouvons-nous feindre d’instruire nos enfants dans des valeurs du respect des êtres vivants tout en les laissant écouter quelque chose avec un message différent ? N’avons-nous pas peur que cela deviendra “le normal” pour eux de plaisanter en disant que la femme est un jouet ?

Ce que vous dites, des mots que vous utilisez peuvent instruire, mais quelques part ils peuvent aussi dépraver

Chaque mot que vous dites même si vous ne  le pensez pas, est compris et considérer par les gens autour de vous comme tels. Vous pourriez mentir à propos de quelle est votre vie est, ils vous croiront. C’est aussi simple que cela. Donc soyez prudent. Un mot que vous avez dit définit quelle sorte de personne vous êtes et quel est votre comportement.

Si je me concentre toujours sur des chanteurs, nous écoutons tous des chansons parlant de mots que nous refuserons décemment de dire ou entendre jusqu’à ce que indépendamment de nous, nous nous retrouvons d’une façon ou d’une autre en train de danser dessus au volant sur une piste de danse après quelques verres de bière. Oh je le fais moi-même. Danser ainsi. À cause du rythme mais je m’assure que je comprends toujours comment ces mots dévaluent des femmes, comment ils dépravent les gens et je reste toujours consciencieuse que je ne dois pas croire en ces mots. Si je devrais débattre d’une chanson comme ça le jour après que j’ai dansé dessus,  je serai dans l’équipe contre et je trouverai tous les arguments pour démontrer pourquoi je le suis. Désolé pour cela. Je devrais peut être, me montrer plus fort pour résister de prendre plaisir à danser sur ces chansons dont je n’apprécie pas les mots. 

Mais nous préférons aussi des jours calmes ou nous écoutent ces chansons dont connaissons toutes les paroles et cela décrit une expérience que nous avons eu. Parce que nous avons perdu quelqu’un que nous aimons, parce que quelqu’un a brisé notre cœur, parce que nous avons une situation magique et heureuse. C’est à ce moment-là que nous pleurons d’habitude parce que les mots nous ont touchés si profondément. Ces moments d’émotion ou nous apprécions et croyons en ces mots.

Je ne pleure pas quand j’écoute des chanson chansons avec les mots comme “c***te”, “coller la petite”, “salopes”,” trou de cul “,”b***er cette chienne”. Vous non plus pas vrai ? Finalement je peux écouter Taylor Swift avec des chansons d’amour accusant certains “trou de cul” et sourire parce que je pense qu’elle a raison.

C’est tout confondu maintenant je l’admets. Mais on peut voir que je n’accuse pas le chanteur seulement. Non c’est une faute générale. Nous sommes tous concernés, le chanteur, le DJ, le danseur.

Je ne fais pas de règles donc je ne sais pas ce qui est mieux pour nous. L’idéal serait d’arrêter d’acheter tous ces disques, ou de télécharger ces chansons. L’idéal serait que YouTube et tous les autres liés à l’approvisionnant de musique en ligne arrêtent de donner accès à ces genre de musique. Ah oui je peux bien rêver ! Je ne saurai même pas où aller d’abord et à qui parler pour que cela arrive. Tout que je sais est que vous ne devriez pas perdre conscience que le message de la chanson que vous écrivez, ou fredonnez pourrait avoir un impact sur votre vie quotidienne et que vous avez besoin d’être conscient du fait que ce soit bon ou mauvais pour vous et les autres.

Alors je me demandais une chose, que devrions-nous faire pour combattre ces genres de problème ? Devrions-nous éteindre nos radios quand ces genres de musique passent? Ou devrions-nous simplement laisser chanter et en discuter ensuite avec nos enfants à la maison ou des amis autour d’un pot? La deuxième solution semble être la meilleure pour moi. Parce que c’est ainsi que les gens peuvent voir la différence entre ce qui est bon et ce qui est mauvais. Vous leur montrez la réalité et vous en discutez en les laissant y découvrir le mauvais.

Bien pour finir, retenons que notre mot, notre pensée, notre message, notre comportement, nos chansons, nos publications médiatiques, notre vie ne devraient pas être ce qui causera notre fin. Ça devrait plutôt être ce qui inspire les gens, ce qui les instruit, ce qui leur montre comment faire de la terre un endroit de respect des droits de tous les êtres vivants.

Bonus :

Certains de mes chanteurs préférés (Dans ce cas précis) que vous pouvez écouter « Lauryn Hill, Bob Marley, Tiken Jah Facoly …» ceux-là ils passent toujours un message plutôt utile qui te fera tout remettre en question et à prendre de bonnes résolutions.

Reading for writing.

Starting a blog.
What does that mean to me? To you? To anyone else who will read my articles?

To be honest I don’t know.

Before you write, you read. A friend of mine told me this. I wrote so many articles but I was never satisfied. I wasn’t convinced that the words I used expressed exactly what I meant, what I felt.

That is language: you can never say exactly what you feel. For someone to understand and feel exactly what you mean, this person needs to be able to read your mind. Yes, like a telepath. But we all know that is impossible.

So what I am supposed to do then? Give up? Just drop it?

That is probably the easy thing to do. But no I won’t.

I don’t read that much anymore. You will probably ask me why, and I will surely respond that I am busy and don’t have any free time.

If you were present with me, you will probably comment on my painted nails. You would tell me that I don’t have time to read but I do apparently have time to paint my nails because I make sure that they are always well polished. And you will look at my hair and ask, “Those long braids takes me how much time to be made?” I will tell you 5 hours.

And if you really know me you will continue by asking me what TV show I am watching recently, and I will tell you “Reign” which has 3 seasons and that I am downloading by myself all day and night long. This TV show talks about Europe history in the year 1556, when there was a war between England, Scotland and France. It shows the strength of a brave young queen of Scotland. It has a message, but it is lazy learning in my opinion. I will add that I am also watching American Idol because I like music and singing is my frustrated dream. Which means a dream I had when I was young and that I don’t think I will have the opportunity to do now.

And you can also ask me what do you do on weekends? I will respond that most of the time I go out with friends, I get drunk and dance.

And you will certainly shake your head and conclude, “You have time to paint your nails, to get your hair done, to download and watch movies and shows, to go out, get drunk and go dancing and you really think you don’t have a time to read?”

I didn’t understand, I used to read                             

I remember when I was in middle school and high school I read all the time. I read walking on a road, I read when I ate and until I fell asleep. Yep that is how it was. And I had so much pleasure doing it. But I got surprised when my friend asked me about the end of a book I had read in high school “La peste” by Albert Camus. I found myself frustrated when I had no idea about the end of a book I read. I couldn’t say if the hero in the book found his wife at the end. And it became worse when he asked me if I loved it when I read it. I had now idea. And then I respond that I read it because I was obligated, it was a study theme for school. I had so much pleasure while reading, what happened since? When I asked this question to a friend he told me, “you grew up, you integrated into an adult world, you got a job and now you are condemn to it.” Isn’t it sad that a whole life can be described as becoming an adult and condemning things you used to enjoy? Society rules us and we become slaves. We’re just following the wave without having the lives we really want. We are the society instead of being us. We should seriously think of being more ourselves rather than being the society.

What does going to school do for the society?

A question comes into my mind. What it a purpose of going to school? What does studies mean? Does it mean reading what you need to read, having a great grade and getting a good job which will lead you to money, power, prestige and happiness? I doubt it.

I found myself dreaming that I wanted to stay a child to avoid all of this but unfortunately that is impossible.

But what is possible is that, I can decide to read when I am not obligated to, I can decide to go to school and learn and got good grades. Besides that I can choose to live freely by developing myself personally.

Some people have money as heritage; some have houses, fields, towns, and countries. I have nothing like that.

I want my legacy to be a word, to be a book, to be knowledge on diversity, on justice, on human rights, on all creature’s right, a healthy nature, a healthy education and a respect of people choices. I want my generation to read, to think, to speech out for their right, thoughts and initiations, to observe around, be aware of the chaos and make good choices for future generations.